How-to
Questions to Ask Relatives When Writing a Loved One's Life Story
Use this family interview worksheet to collect stories, check dates and record permission before writing a loved one’s biography.
"Tell me about Grandpa" is a large question. It can leave an auntie silent even when she has decades of stories to share. A smaller question often works better: "What was his first shop like?" or "Who taught him to cook?"
Use this interview sheet to gather material before writing a burial programme biography. You do not need to ask every question in one conversation.
Start with permission and a manageable visit
Explain what you are collecting and where it may appear. Ask whether you may take notes or make a recording. Someone may be happy to tell a story to you but not want it printed or posted online.
Offer to speak in the language they find easiest. If you translate a phrase later, keep the original alongside your translation and ask whether you have caught the meaning. A family expression can lose its humour when made too formal.
Childhood and home
What name did people call them at home?
Who lived in the house when they were young?
What did an ordinary school day look like?
Which relative or neighbour influenced them?
What did they do for fun before adult responsibilities arrived?
Follow an answer with "What happened next?" rather than rushing to the next question. If someone mentions a place you do not know, ask them to spell it or show you where it was.
Work, movement and decisions
What was their first paid work or apprenticeship?
Why did they move to a particular town or country?
What was difficult about that period?
Who helped them when they were starting out?
What part of their work made them proud?
Ask for dates, but distinguish confirmed dates from estimates. "Around the time the family moved" is a useful clue; it is not yet a verified year.
The details people recognise
What did they say when visitors arrived?
Which meal, song or radio programme did they enjoy?
What object did they always keep nearby?
How did they show affection or annoyance?
What is a story that still makes you laugh?
These details can also support a personal tribute to a grandparent. A biography needs an accurate life outline, while a tribute has room to dwell on what one memory means to you.
Use a simple notes sheet
Copy this for each conversation:
Relative's name and relationship:
Date of conversation:
Story or fact:
Approximate year and place:
Who else could confirm it:
May this be printed, shared privately or published online:
Names or details still to check:
Keep the speaker's words separate from your interpretation. If they say "she never missed a visit", do not silently turn that into a claim about every week of twenty years.
When accounts disagree
Send the question back kindly: "I have heard two dates for this. Is there a document or another person we can check with?" Avoid asking relatives to settle an old dispute for the sake of a paragraph. You can leave out a detail that is not essential.
Let the speaker review any quotation you plan to publish. Save the notes as well as the finished story, with permission. Future family members may be grateful for the names and small explanations that did not fit into the programme. See also our ideas for keeping family memories after the funeral.
Once the family has checked the story and agreed what to share, create a tribute on CelebrateThem to keep that account with the photographs that belong to it.